A Witch’s Kitchen Read online

  “Right,” Millie said. “Let’s go.”

  He led them to his magic carpet, and they all settled in, Petunia tucked in Millie’s apron pocket, the cauldron nestled in the crook of Millie’s arm.

  Max tapped the carpet with his wand, and they zoomed away, causing several birds to twitter at them angrily.

  “Can’t we go any faster?” Millie complained.

  Max burst out laughing. “I was going slower for you. Hang on tight.” He tapped the carpet again, and they sped forward faster than Millie had ever gone. And she discovered that she was not afraid. Racing over the trees to the portal, Millie laughed out loud with delight.

  “You know what?” Sagara yelled in her ear. “I think you’re not afraid of heights. I think you’re just afraid of not being able to control where you’re going.”

  Maybe, Millie thought. Maybe she’s right.

  They swung out over the glittering pools and noxious odors of the Salivary Swamp. Sagara flung out an arm. “There! That’s the portal.”

  A small round lake lay nestled near the western edge of the swamp. In the middle of the lake, there stood a very small island crowned with two enormous weeping willows. Suddenly, the magic carpet quivered and began to lose altitude, gliding slowly to a stop on the shore of the lake.

  “That’s a powerful ward,” Max said. “I presume this is where we meet the guardian of the portal.”

  A large, snakelike head rose from the lake before them, its dark scales dripping with slime so green and oozy, Bogdana would have loved it. It studied them with its red, glowing eyes. Millie stifled a little shriek and clutched her cauldron close to her.

  “You presume correctly, little wizard,” said the head as another emerged. And another, and another. Millie could hear Petunia counting under her breath.

  “Nine,” the pixie whispered.

  Sagara made a disgusted noise. “He’s a hydra, Petunia. Of course he has nine heads.” Sagara turned bravely back to the hydra’s nine heads, though Millie could see she was trembling. “Greetings, o guardian!” Sagara said. “We are on errantry, and we seek passage through the portal.”

  Another head hissed at her. “You must overcome our three challenges. Are you prepared?”

  “We are,” Sagara asserted, with only the slightest tremor in her voice.

  “Test of Wit,” intoned three of the heads together. “Answer this riddle.” A single head cleared its throat and then recited dramatically, “I never was, am always to be. No one ever saw me, nor ever will. And yet I am the confidence of all, to live...”

  “Tomorrow,” Petunia called out.

  The head snapped back. “What? But I didn’t even finish.”

  “Oh, come on,” Petunia said. “That’s one of the oldest riddles ever. Everyone knows that one.”

  The head looked seriously annoyed, so Millie said loudly, “I didn’t know it.” Sagara snorted, but she also looked impressed.

  “Fine,” said the head, and it slunk away with its two companions, making room for three more heads.

  “Test of Wisdom,” the heads pronounced, and one continued, “Argus the dragonsmith needs 3 pecks of dragonscales to make a centaur suit of armor. A peck is 120 scales. He already has 67 green scales and 118 purple scales. How many more scales must Argus obtain?”

  “Ooh, a math problem,” Sagara said happily. “3 pecks is 360 scales. 67 plus 118 equals 185. 360 minus 185 equals 175. So Argus needs 175 more scales.”

  The head looked annoyed. “Final answer?” it muttered hopefully.

  “Yes, that is my final answer,” Sagara said firmly.

  “Hmmph,” said the heads, and they slid away, making room for the final three heads. These were the meanest, nastiest-looking heads yet, with sharp teeth as long as Millie’s arm.

  “Test of Courage,” the final three heads announced together. “You must defeat us and win your way to the island.”

  “But we have no weapons!” Max cried out.

  “Yes, we do,” Millie replied, breaking the wax seal and pulling the lid off her cauldron. “Here you go!” And she grabbed a brownie and hurled it into the nearest head’s gaping mouth.

  Surprised, the head reared back. “Hey! What? Um, nommmm. This is delicious! Bob, you have to try one.”

  Another head snaked forward. “Is that chocolate?”

  “Triple chocolate brownies, my specialty,” Millie told him. “Have one!” And she lobbed another brownie into the air, which the head caught with a snap.

  “Marvelous!” it mumbled around the brownie.

  “I want one,” cried the third head, followed by all six of the others.

  “Quick, help me,” Millie called to the others. Together, they dug into the cauldron and began heaving brownies into the horrible, gaping maws. Soon, all nine heads were munching contentedly.

  “Excellent,” they murmured. “Superb. Exquisite. Every adventurer should be so considerate. Really, no one thinks about what we might want. They usually try to shoot us or teleport us or put us to sleep.” They paused a moment to swallow. Then, in unison, they proclaimed, “You may pass.”

  Beneath them, the magic carpet quivered to life.

  “You charmed them, didn’t you?” Max asked Millie quietly as they seated themselves.

  “That was the strongest charm I’ve ever cast,” Millie said. “I thought it might come in handy.”

  “Enough talking,” Petunia growled. “Let’s go before they figure it out.”

  Max twisted a tassel, and they soared over the hydra, across the lake, and right to the base of the two willows.

  They were ancient weeping willows, leaning toward each other so that their branches formed a graceful arch, curtained by their leaves. Sagara marched up to them and announced, “This is the place.”

  “Wait a minute,” Max said. “Sagara, I made a spare Remedial English potion.” He produced a small vial from his pocket. “Do you want it?”

  “What did you use as source material?” Sagara asked, frowning.

  Max shrugged. “All those books in English that Dad has in his library. It worked fine when I took it yesterday. How do you think I managed to read Dad’s notes?” Max grinned at her, and then he said, in English, “Live long and prosper.”

  Sagara frowned. “That’s not an English greeting I’m familiar with. Usually, people just say hello or hi.”

  “Well, that’s what people in Dad’s books say.”

  “It was in English,” Millie said slowly. “So I guess it worked.”

  Sagara shook her head. “I think I’ll stick with what English I’ve learned.”

  “Well, then, I’ll take it,” Petunia announced. “After all, if I’m going with you, I should speak the language.”

  Millie hugged her. “I’m so glad you’re coming!”

  Sagara rolled her eyes. “Fine, but you should drink it once you’re human, and you can’t transform until after you’ve used the pixie dust. Fresh is best, you know. Now, can we get on with this? We haven’t got all day.” She marched up to the trees.

  The willows rustled and sighed. “Authorization?” one asked in a voice like a summer breeze. Millie looked up and found two faces staring down at them. Dodonoi. Master Quercius had said there were two on special assignment.

  Sagara glanced back at the others, startled. “Um, we are travelers seeking passage.”

  “Only travelers with the authorization of the Enchanted Forest Council may pass.” They felt a ward go up before them.

  Sagara looked anguished. “My brother’s notes didn’t mention this.”

  Max reached out a hand and tapped the ward. “Hmm... this actually looks like Dad’s work. I think I know how he constructed it.” He glanced back at the others. “I can take this ward down, but only for about a minute or two. Sagara, Petunia, get ready.”

  Sagara bowed.

  Max turned to the ward. Placing both hands on it, he closed his eyes. Millie felt the ward begin to stretch and twist, trying to stay in place against Max’s assault.
Sweat broke out on Max’s forehead. Suddenly, he cried out, “Hajoa!” And the ward snapped like a bubble popping.

  Quickly, Petunia stepped forward, took off her cap, and shook her head furiously, sparkling powder flying off her head and into the portal. Sagara stood beside her and chanted in halting High Mystery, “Tästä valtakunnasta seuraavaan, salli meidän kulkea.”

  The Dodonoi both began to shimmer.

  “Pixie dust is dandruff?” Max whispered hoarsely to Millie. “Ew.” Millie elbowed him in the ribs.

  “You may pass,” said the Dodonoi. “Come on!” Sagara said, stepping through.

  Petunia’s lip trembled. “Quick, give me the potions.”

  Millie gave her the transformation potion, then held the red witch’s gown over her as she drank. A moment later, Petunia filled the dress, her head and arms popping through their holes. Her skin had turned a dark, dark brown, the color of rich chocolate, and her hair had turned a glossy black.

  Max handed her the Remedial English potion, which she chugged. “Geronimo!” Petunia cried, and she jumped through the portal.

  “Ready?” Max asked Millie.

  Millie started to speak, but then they both heard an ear-splitting shriek behind them. They turned and saw someone fighting with the hydra.

  “It-it can’t be,” Max stammered. “She’s under ward!”

  “It’s Cretacia,” Millie breathed.

  “Out of my way,” Cretacia was screaming. “I don’t care about your stupid portal. I just want HER!” She pointed a bony finger at Millie, then turned and pointed at a head. “Jäädy!” The head froze.

  “Out of order,” grumbled the other heads. “Test of Courage comes last.”

  “Quick, we have to go!” Millie grabbed Max’s hand. “On the count of three. One, two, THREE!”

  Ice Cream in Salem

  Together, they took a step forward into the blinding golden light. Millie felt herself dissolving, becoming the light. And then, as though she were a breath held too long, she burst out into ordinary sunlight, surrounded by willows.

  Max rubbed his eyes. “It didn’t work?”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” said Millie, staring. They were on a small spit of land, surrounded by ocean. Boats chugged by, unlike any Millie had ever seen. They had no sails of any kind. How did they move? “Oh, darkness! What is that smell?” The air smelled horrible: salty and smoky and irritating. Millie coughed to clear her throat, but the smell remained.

  “What are those?” Max asked. Millie turned to where he was pointing and saw strange carriages moving without any horse or ox to pull them, trailing a thin stream of smoke behind them. They followed a road covered with a hard, black substance a little like cooled lava. Humans, more humans than Millie had ever seen at one time except at Coven meetings, milled about wearing colorful and surprisingly varied clothing, but here and there, Millie spied someone in familiar black, and she counted three peaked witches’ hats. Many humans, she noticed, were wearing the peculiar blue trousers that Sagara wore.

  Petunia stared all around her. “This is the weirdest place I’ve ever seen.”

  She was still barefoot. Hastily, Millie pulled out the clogs, and Petunia slipped them on. They were a bit big.

  “Any sign of Cretacia?” Max asked.

  Petunia stomped in a circle, getting used to the clogs. “Cretacia? Why would she be here?”

  “She showed up at the portal just before we jumped through,” Millie told her.

  “Oak and ash! I hope she didn’t make it through,” Sagara said.

  “I hope she did,” Petunia declared, raising her fists. “No magic here. I bet she’s never been in an honest fight in her life.”

  Max stopped scanning the park around them. “The ward would be back up by now. If she’s not through, she won’t be anytime soon.”

  “Come on,” Sagara said, coughing. “Let’s find my mother.”

  “How do we do that?” Max protested.

  Sagara shrugged. “I have a map.” She pulled out Welcome to Witch City.

  Millie turned to Sagara. “What do we do?”

  “First,” Sagara said, “we take a bus. That’s a large carriage for transporting many people.” She led them to the road and looked for a particular signpost along it. She found one, marked with numbers. “This should work,” she said.

  An elderly woman sat on a bench near them, a cane leaning against her knee. Her white hair rose in an uneven cloud around her face, thick hairs sprang from her chin, and her spectacles made her brown eyes look enormous. If Millie hadn’t known better, she’d have guessed the woman was a witch. Perhaps she thought she was.

  She eyed them suspiciously. In English, she said, “What are you kids doing out of school?”

  Awkwardly, Millie said, “We do not school today.”

  The woman frowned. “You talk funny. Are you legal?”

  “We are tourists,” Sagara said carefully. “We are visiting Salem.”

  The woman picked up her cane and prodded Sagara with it. “Then where,” prod, “are your,” prod, “parents?” Sagara winced and edged away.

  “Our parental units are in proximity to this location,” Max replied.

  “Ha!” said the woman. “Trying to trick me? You’re illegal! Foreigners! I should call the cops!”

  “The what?” Millie asked, not familiar with the term.

  “Holy cow, she doesn’t even know what cops are!” the woman cried. “The police, you little rat.” She fumbled in her pocket and produced a slim, gleaming device. She tapped it, and it began to glow with colorful glyphs and letters.

  Max backed away. “I thought there was no magic here,” he told Sagara in Canto.

  “That’s technology,” she replied. “But it’s also powerful. I think that’s a communication device, sort of like a scrying bowl. She may be contacting a guardian of this place.”

  “Oh, darkness,” Millie said. She rummaged in her cauldron. In English, she asked the woman, “Would you like brownie?”

  The woman shrank away from the lovely pastry. “Get that thing away from me! You’re touching it with your filthy hands!”

  Max lost his patience. He drew his wand, pointed it at her, and shouted, “Liikkumatta!”

  The woman shrieked. “Help! Assault!”

  Other humans were turning to watch them, and a few began moving toward them.

  “What do we do?” Millie whispered.

  Sagara glanced at the gathering crowd and the shrieking woman. Desperate, she cried, “Run!” and dashed away down the sidewalk. With no better plan, Max, Millie, and Petunia dashed after her.

  The woman did not follow, and her shrieks soon faded behind them. Sagara gave a happy cry and ducked into a doorway.

  “Are we safe?” Max asked.

  Sagara peered out a window. “I think so. We can bide here a minute and figure out where we need to go. But first, let’s get some ice cream.”

  “Oh!” Millie cried. “I’ve read about that, but I’ve never tasted it.”

  Sagara led them over to a glass case containing tubs filled with strange, creamy substances in a bewildering array of colors and swirls. Sagara pulled a handful of dull green papers from her pocket. “My treat,” she said. “Take your pick.”

  Millie chose boysenberry sorbet, Max chose double chocolate chunk, Petunia chose salted caramel, and Sagara selected cake batter. The attendant scooped each of these into small cone-shaped pastries and handed them over in exchange for some of the paper. Then, licking their cones happily, the four of them headed back out onto the sidewalk.

  “This place is amazing,” Max said. “I’ve never seen so many buildings all together. And the carriages! And so many people! I think I saw a dragon flying by, but that can’t be right.”

  “Probably an airplane,” Sagara said distractedly, cone in one hand and map in the other. “A flying carriage that takes people great distances. The small ground carriages are called cars.”

  “That’s incredible,” Millie said. �
�I thought it would be terrible here. How can a place survive without magic? But these humans seem to be thriving.”

  “But there are so few trees,” Petunia said sadly. “There were trees where we came through, but not very many. And there were no bushes, no flowers, just a little grass. It wasn’t natural, not like a forest.”

  “They do have forests here,” Sagara told her, “but not very many. They cut most of them down. They like having some trees around though, so they make places called parks. That’s where we were.”

  “That’s terrible!” said Max. “All those poor trees, all alone. And where do all the people and animals who lived in the forests go?”

  Sagara shrugged. “Remember, the only thinking beings in the forests here are humans, and they mostly go to human places like this city. But some of them try to stay in the forests and other wild places. As for the animals, some of them move, but a lot of them die. That’s why my brother can come here. If it looks like a species is going to die out, like the poor dodos and river dolphins, he brings them to the Enchanted Forest or other Realms where they’d be comfortable.”

  “Does that happen a lot?” Millie asked.

  “My brother says more and more,” Sagara said. “Sometimes they can’t always save a species before it disappears.”

  “How can people live like that?” Max whispered.

  “Well, there are advantages, too,” Sagara said. “Look around you. You see the buildings and the cars and things. What you don’t see is that these people all live much longer, more comfortable lives than a nonmagical human would without technology. And they do things we’ve never dreamed of. All of the books in your library, Max, and the library at the school, and a thousand libraries like them, they can fit in a single little box, like that one the woman there is talking to. And the best part is, anyone who buys one of those boxes can read those libraries.”

  “Really?” Max said, amazed. “How is that possible without magic?”

  “I don’t really understand it yet,” Sagara said. “But it has to do with math. My mother knows, and I’m hoping she’ll teach me.”